One step forwards, two steps back…

In the main, I really try to be positive on this blog and inspire others. I also want to be honest and reflect what it’s really like living with scoliosis.

There are good days and bad days and well, tonight if I’m being honest, I’m feeling really fed up.

Leg Numbness

For the past 6 months or so I’ve been getting numbness down my right leg and into my foot. It’s not painful, it’s just numb and my right leg feels odd, almost like a heavy feeling. I went to the Drs about 6 months ago about it and the Dr I saw wasn’t too concerned. He said it was probably a result of my scoliosis surgery and I should come back if it gets worse. Well, it kind of has got worse so I went back to the Drs this week. The Dr I saw this week said as it’s lasted for this long it needs further investigation. It’s likely there’s an irritated nerve in my lower back which is causing my symptoms.

They can’t do an MRI because the metalwork will distort the image and so it’s back to physio for yet the hundredth time.

The Dr has also referred me back to my scoliosis surgeon so they can investigate the cause.

It could be caused by anything but I’m really worried that I have done this to myself through all the stuff I do at the gym (Body Pump, spin classes, running etc)..

Frustrations…

I feel really frustrated because whenever I start to feel happy or proud that I’m actually getting somewhere, my back tries to stop me or slow me down. Whether it’s back pain, a strained shoulder muscle or now leg numbness.

I recovered from my shoulder injury from two years ago (caused by my scoliosis..) and I was really pleased that as a result I could start exercising again. I’ve really been doing well recently with my running for example and have been really happy trying lots of new classes at the gym. I’ve finally started to feel like myself again after my surgery.

Now, it feels like I’m being punished for trying to be normal and lead an active life.

I feel like I’m going to be back and forward to physio and suffering with pain and numbness for the rest of my life, which really gets me down.

It’s like a constant reminder that I maybe can’t push myself as much as other people, and maybe I shouldn’t be doing high impact exercise. But on the other hand, I really enjoy it and I don’t want to be ruled by my back.

Now what?

I think now, I just feel a bit lost. I don’t know what I should be doing exercise wise anymore. Should I carry on with what I’ve been doing and stay active? Will this make my leg numbness worse? It seems like the Dr’s don’t know and I get varying opinions which just adds to my frustration. Some Dr’s and physios have told me I can do anything and some have said just stick to Pilates. Nobody seems to know what is best for those of us with scoliosis.

Even though my back feels old, I’m not and I don’t want it to stop me from living or doing the things I want to do. I’m not ready to give in just yet.

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